3 stars isn't bad and other musings on reviews...

Since becoming an author I am hyper aware of reviews. Definitely more than when I was an avid reader, with a review blog that gave a handful of bad reviews. And when I say bad reviews, I mean like 1-2 stars. 3 stars, in my opinion, is not bad. It’s not great, but I’m not tossing and turning and losing sleep over 3 stars. It simply means that you think I’ve done an adequate enough job. You were entertained, but not blown away. Which…if we’re being totally honest…I can accept. Mainly because there is always room for improvement, so you might think project A is 3 stars, but when I hit you with that 5 star project C, will we even be thinking about project A anymore? Probably not!

I've gotten a lot better about being super obsessive with reviews and not taking the bad ones too much to heart, but...can we talk about when you don't like a book and want to leave your feedback on a public forum for the writer of said book to see?

Can we pleeeeeeeeeease talk about that for just one minute?

I'm gonna rewind for just one second. Once upon a time I was a book blogger. And when I was a book blogger, I prided myself on giving honest reviews, even when I wasn't the biggest fan of a book. And I remember one book where I haaaated everything about it from the title being misleading to the characters being downright unlikable and it was just terrible...so I wrote all of that out on my little blog and let the writer have it, basically.

Well, she found it. And read it. And let me have it right the fuck back in the comments section and honestly? I had to eat it. My review was poor form and I really didn't have to go that hard about the book. And if I did feel like going that hard, I could have offered ways (in my opinion) that the author could address some of the things I had beef with in works going forward. Instead I chose the asshole route and lit her aflame.

Years later I look back on that and think, "wow you sure were arrogant, sis. What makes your opinion mean that much more than anyone else's? were you even the target audience for this book?"

And I know this is informed author me thinking this way and not book consumer me. But also, it's just logical. I get it--I GET IT. Sometimes books are annoying or infuriating or just don't quite hit the note & they aren't such a good time. And maaaaaaybe you want to warn the next reader or whatever, idek, i'm spitballing here. BUT. can you just take a second before you press submit on the amazon or the goodreads or the tweeter with my fucking @ in the tweet and think about how your words may impact the person behind the ones you so despised. Or...OR...keep this lil tenet in the back of your mind:

The function of critique is for the person receiving said critique to absorb, assess, & adjust.

So, for the person who is leveling the criticism: You don't have to be a jerk, my g. Deliver what you're trying to say with clarity and resolve. Ensure that behind the tear down is a hint, a peench of something that the person you're criticizing can use in some way.

For the person who is receiving the criticism: The absorb part of this is simple--take it all in. The assess part of it gets a bit more complicated. For example, there is a loooooooooooooong goodreads review on one of my first projects in which the person picks apart everything they didn't like about the book. Some of the things are nitpicky and personal to that reviewer, but others are valid critiques that I could objectively understand. So when I say assess the critique, I don't mean to either decide the person leveling the crit is a hater and brushing it off, but actually dissecting what is being said and really determining the level of value that it brings towards helping you elevate your craft. And finally comes the adjustment, which is where you decide after assessment which elements are actually impactful and making modifications to do what you need to do in order to fix any areas in which you've fallen short.

Also, for the person offering critique (again, I like a good double back): If you know 20% of the way into the book that it ain't your tea and crumpets, you can just stop reading, baby. I promise no one will shoot you in the pinky toe if you don't. And if you continue to read and compound your irritation? you'll most likely end up trashing a person over an experience that you were in FULL capacity to control.

IDK, this is just all my $0.02, and your mileage may vary...

eyes on your own paper, nic.

wow, this website can hold words, too, huh? who knew. i haven’t used it as more than a storehouse for episodes of the podcast in a very long time. but this morning i woke up with a song on my heart. or some words on my fingertips…however you wanna phrase it.

i made the above image this morning because i needed a visual representation of the hard work i’ve put in over the past couple of years. i have this really bad habit of consistently undermining myself in regard to my levels of accomplishment. i’m a chronic overachiever and overfunctioner. i do not like being idle for too much time because that’s the devil’s playground or whateva. but honestly it’s coz if i give myself too much time to think about things that are not productive i slide down into a place where i do dumb shit. what kind of dumb shit you may ask? well, i’ve got a list pal:

• compare myself to other people around me doing the same things

• denegrate myself for not doing more (despite having less time in general; not in comparison to others)

• overbook myself trying to be everything for every body

• lose myself in trying to live up to some standard that has been set by no one but me

and all of these things can lead to burn out. which, i rarely experience, but when i do? oh baby. it’s shut down city. the kid ain’t even tryna go that route, so every now and again i check myself. i’m a visual learner with a fake photographic, yet short term deficient memory, so i have to do things like make charts/collages/etc. to remind me of what i’ve done in so little time.

for the first year and a quarter of my publishing career i juggled working full time, being in graduate school, and writing. but i would see my contemporaries with new releases every other fortnight and i’d berate myself. convinced that i could be doing more, despite having more than enough on my plate. because at some point this nicole falls thing went from being “oh that’s cute, i’m published” to “ok bitch now you need to dominate”.

& let me tell y’all something. i’m a survivor of gifted & talented programs of the late 80s and 90s. used to always being at the top of the heap, star of the show, center of attention for being fucking brilliant, you dig? being average in this book writing thing? it wasn’t working for me. i needed to come harder. dig deeper. release more projects. be in more faces. do all of the events. make everyone love me. blah blah blah bullshit. more unnecessary and undue pressure to live up to an impossible standard.

i’m never gonna be everyone’s favorite. i’ll get to #1 status eventually. might even get a stan or two along the way. but i won’t get there if i keep thinking that my success has to look like her success or her success or her success. if i keep worrying about what author a, b or ccj is doing, how does that help push MY brand forward? if i’m focused on writing what i think people wanna read instead of listening to my intuition, where does that get me? who am i doing this for? what is even the purpose? when will i ever reach whatever peak or summit i deem to be the highest, thus being satisfied?

the answer to those questions (in order) is: it doesn’t. nowhere. your ego. ain’t nan. never.

& quite frankly, none of those are satisfying to me. what is satisfying, however, is reveling in accomplishment. seeing every new project as a way to grow, and learn, and expand, and progress, and thrive. zooming out every now and again to take a look at the larger picture and being grateful for gift, talent, drive, and creation.

so now i work to actively do those things. CONSISTENTLY. and honestly? that shit’s harder than the writing.

Not #samplesunday

Hi kids, it's me, Nicole. So...listen right...

All of my best stories start with those three words, haha. If you'll notice it's been a couple weeks since i've done a Sample Sunday. It wasn't purposeful, but it wasn't happenstance either. See for the past few weeks I've put together a little writing schedule for myself that includes daily and weekly word count goals and I've been toiling tirelessly to adhere to those goals. But then the day after Labor Day my last class in my graduate school program began--the capstone. A goal I've been working toward sine July 2015 was finally here...and coinciding with the same period in which I promised myself that I would complete and release a book.

Talk about bad luck. Sheesh.

So...I was all discombobulated, y'all. Off my game and completely unsure that I would finish this book on the time table that I'd given myself given that I was certain that this capstone will monopolize my time. Hell I still am certain that it will, but I decided to dedicate this weekend to adding a sizable amount of words to my current in progress doc. On Thursday I told myself that I wanted to write ten thousand words by Sunday evening. Then on Friday I went over to my best friend's house and watched Greenleaf while drinking red wine and scotch. Clearly I wasn't about that life.

But Saturday morning I woke up with renewed purpose. I told a couple friends who checked in on me intermittently. Then of course I got on my instastories being ridiculous as I raced toward the first day's finish line of five thousand words. It was a hard fought battle, but I emerged victorious. I woke up this morning with...a lack of the same fighting spirit that I'd had on Saturday. I even lamented that I'd probably fall short of my goal because I had lost my way a bit and wasn't sure where this story was going. 

I went outside, groced some groceries, and then came back in the house to settle into this word doc. I sat here for about two hours and bupkis. I grew irritated quickly, mind shifting completely from the positive can do spirit to negative down talk about how I was stupid to even try to challenge myself to do such a thing. Before Saturday, the most words I'd written in one day was somewhere around the twenty-six hundred mark and those were hard wrought. Instead of celebrating the victory of having smoked my previous one day word count record, I stewed in the pit of possibility that I wouldn't make the big goal I'd set for myself on the outset.

But then I remembered the words of a friend about the way we approach tasks and how our mindset actively affects the manner in which we tackle challenges. (Shoutout to Sarah!) I kept the Word doc open, sang along to the Wine and Dine playlist on spotify and slowly, the words began to trickle in. Five hundred words turned to one thousand which turned to three thousand which turned to forty seven hundred words written and I saw that finish line so close that I could taste it and I persevered.

And then I made it. I wrote ten thousand words in two days. What the eff is my life even about right now? I'm exhilarated and feeling invincible. Y'all, this book...these characters, I like them a lot. Really like them. And I hope y'all do, too. Because I have taken careful consideration in crafting their story, the choices made within and the consequences of those decisions. I'm striving to write a book that is filled with not only the patented Nicole Falls humor, but also a bit more depth than previous works as I work tirelessly to make each book better than the last.

I ain't done with it quite yet. These folks are still talking. But today I leveled up as a writer. And I'm just riding high off the feeling of accomplishment and wanted to share it with y'all. Sorry there's no sample this week, maybe next Sunday will be the jam and the samples will commence. We shall see. : )

Til then...

#RomanceAwarenessMonth: Week 3

I missed week two. I was too busy doing hood rat tings with my faves in Noo Yawk! But now I'm back like I never left, lol. So this week I wanted to explore some dope romantic moments in TV/film and...well y'all...being perfectly honest? My television gets turned on once every fortnight, LOL. I used to be big into tv/movies, but within like the past five years that interest has waned mightily. So I employed the help of some of my faves to share some of their fave moments with y'all! 

First up is my girl, B. Fel, author of Ready:

Double or nothing - Love & Basketball. I understand the odds of you reading this and hating the movie are high, but an important note: I didn't watch this every time it played on BET, and I'd probably watch anything with Gina Prince-Bythewood's name on it. This scene and movie set the tone for me in terms of love stories well before I knew I wanted to tell them. Bless my eight-year-old heart though, because I was shook when I thought Q was truly going to give up on Monica and marry Tyra Banks' character. Wonderful.

Grumpy Old Man - Living Single. Max and Kyle were my favorite couple on this show. You remember that episode where Kyle's upset about turning 30 and Max struggled to comfort him? As an adult, my favorite scene is watching Max, who sat on a washing machine with a red bow tied around her neck, give herself to Kyle while he sulked in a laundromat and said "Happy Birthday, cheer the hell up." It's their type of romance, that no one else would/could understand, and that's why I love it.

The First Adventure, S1, E5 - FIRST (web series). This episode is the sweetest, cutest ever. Basically, a camping trip Charlie tries to take Robin on goes wrong and he makes up for it by moving the campsite into his living room. As she's reading an excerpt from Alex Elle's book, he kisses her. And as Extraordinary Love by Stacy Barthe plays, they make love. This series made me want to create a web series of my own. The characters are vulnerable, developed, and basically everything you want to see while watching a modern black love story on screen.

Next is the homie Chencia, author of the JustOneNight.com series

My favorite romantic moment comes from the popular Bollywood film Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Gham. There is a scene where Rahul sees Anjali dancing in the street and being an all-around carefree brown girl and as soon as his eyes find her in the crowd, everything slows down. It's that moment that we see in films all the time to let us know that something significant is happening. It's as if time stops for Rahul as he sees the woman that he knows he can't live without. He is thunderstruck by her smile, by her liveliness, and that's when he realizes that she will be his wife.

Next up is my fave the uuuuber talented Christina C. Jones, author of 5011 novels, including her latest release Determining Possession

I’ve watched a lot of black ass movies. A lot of black ass romantic movies. So, choosing a specific favorite romantic scene is a hard task, but, BUT, I think I have it. The lovely Ava Duvernay has done a lot of great things for the culture, but I have to specifically point out the quiet romance of this scene in I Will Follow between Omari Hardwick and Salli Richardson. The movie itself is very quiet – some might even say boring – but for my little romance author heart, this was very much a high point for me. The simplicity of helping her move, playing on the swings, laying out on that old mattress… it’s #romancegoals. We’ll ignore that the “hero” is kinda trash and focus on the good stuff.

Here's a little clip from that scene. https://www.youtube.com/embed/zt9pWMHM7vg?rel=0" 

And finally is my girl, International Al aka Alexandra Warren, author of over 16 novels including her latest release If Only for the Summer

So I have a TON of favorite romantic movie/TV moments, but the one that came to mind first was the scene in Brown Sugar when Dre calls during Sidney’s interview with the radio station, and then shows up to the studio with the checkbox yes/no/maybe love letter of our time. *swoon* . Friends-to-Lovers is such a tricky, complicated, and sometimes downright messy dynamic, but I loved Dre and Sid’s relationship and was SO happy when they finally stopped playing and got together. Also, shoutout to Angie Martinez for gassing them up. lol :) [Ed. Note: This movie is one of my all-time faves and low-key was the inspiration for a particular scene in my first novella!]

#behindthepen17: see what had happened was. . .

I should have done this on Sunday. My memory is such trash and this will probably not even fully encapsulate everything that I wanted it to and it's probably gonna be all over the place, but y'all...

So Indie Love did a very good job at preparing me for the feels I'd have meeting readers of my work who showered me with praise. I learned to graciously accept compliments and deftly dodge the "when????"s, hahaha. So I went into Behind the Pen feeling like I knew what I was doing. I had a plan, a very good friend by my side, and all of the books to unload, hahaha. I was still a little nervous because I didn't know what the day would bring, but overall felt really good.

I walked over to the venue with my friend Sarah and the Joneses--Christina and her hub Byron. As soon as we walked up, Alex Warren and her bae Donte were pulling up. Seeing all of those friendly faces immediately brought my anxiety down as we walked into the venue and got everything all set up. I was a little nervous about the circular tables, but I was actually able to get my set up brackin' rather nicely and actually took a photo of the table! LOL During set up time, I was able to chat it up a little with a couple of authors and volunteers before it was showtime.

My table set up.

Wait...let me back up a little. Y'all...the space where the event was being held? Honeyyyyyyy...The sistah Girls had it decorated so dopely! There was so much glitter and pink and my heart just about exploded. The aesthetic was hella in line with my personal values and I was super here for it. There was a bevy of food, beverages, and sweet treats arranged so artfully. I'm sure y'all have seen some pics by now, but I was super in love with those sparkly champers bottles. After a pep talk from Puff Mommy aka Sharee, the doors were opened and we were off.

I'd initially planned to sit down and greet folks as they walked up, but after about 5 minutes of that I Was like "nope! that ain't gonna work!" I was up and moving around, grooving to the dope ass playlist that was piped through the sound system and living my best life. I got to meet so many people that I knew from Facebook and/or Twitter and/or Instagram and hug so many of y'alls necks. So...a confession: I don't look at avatars or profile pictures that often, my mind always hyperfocuses on words. I promise, I feel like my brain doesn't process pictures well, but those names are firmly cemented in my mind and as soon as I started writing, it clicked for me. I know that a few times I was like midway through signing a book before being like "OMG IT'S YOU!!!" for a few of y'all LOL. 

There were a few times I just took a moment to glance around the room and I know I was probably grinning like a loon, but it was just so invigorating. Every single sista came to slay...there was so much beauty in that room. The love was palpable. The energy was electric and my entire life was given.

Readers of Black indie romance are the best people on Earth, I'll tell you this. I had more than one of you say to me, "I know you got some stuff going on sis, but whenever you ready--we ready!" And that...y'all I appreciate it more than words can accurately portray. This weekend was amazing and Behind The Pen was certainly a highlight. 

Saida & Sharee: You ladies set out to make an event that would keep the streets buzzing and represent y'alls city to the fullest and Y'ALL DID THAT. Thank you for the intense amounts of care you put into ensuring this event would not only be great for the readers, but equally awesome for the authors participating. Y'alls dedication to providing a space for black indies to flourish is greatly appreciated. A huge thank you to y'all and the rest of the SGBC crew for a fabulous event.

Me with the head sistah girls in charge, Sharee and Saida!

#RomanceAwarenessMonth Week 1: Favorite Love Songs

So I learned that August was Romance Awareness Month on the first and I thought, "oh how apropos!" August is also the month in which we celebrate the anniversary of my birth, so it is as perfect a marriage as possible. For as long as I can remember, I've loved a good love story. On my personal blog, I spoken at length about my obsession with love in its many forms, by romance holds a special place in my heart because witnessing true romance blossom is an amazing sight to withhold. 

I've been to my fair share of weddings and I tell people my favorite part is always the bride's processional. Most eyes are keenly focused upon the woman—a vision of beauty in white (or mother of pearl *wink*), but I always ALWAYS have kept my attention on the groom. Men are schooled to keep a tight rein on their emotions, but on his wedding day every man I have witnessed during this event loses all control of that when he sees his lady for the first time on that day. No matter how long the couple has been together, there is a certain sparkle in the man's eye that screams "DAMN...THAT'S ALL ME. HOW DID I EVER...?!" The adoration for their beloved is tangible and really beautiful to behold. 

The only other time I've witnessed such raw emotion displayed was while witnessing parents shortly after the birth of a child. Anyway...I digress. So with it being #romanceawarenessmonth and all, I figured I'd make all of you guys aware of some of my favorite things that are related to the many different aspects of romance. Today's selection will be a smattering of some of my favorite love songs. I have hundreds I could list, but for the sake of brevity I'm going to keep this list to five. 

Excuse Me x Jazmine Sullivan: Every time I hear this song, my soul is stirred. First of all, Jazmine is singing from the deepest craters of her uterus on this jawn, from the top to the bottom. She comes out the gate swinging with the vocals and if you're unpartnered will have you singing it to the nearest inanimate object that you love more than anything. Favorite Lines: "and just to see you smiling at me/ don't care what the task be if it makes you happy..." 

As x Stevie Wonder: Another one of those that from note one puts me on the train to Feelstown. Stevie Wonder is a masterful songwriter and if my forever love doesn't make me feel half as good as this song does, he gotta step his cookies up. Favorite lines: THE WHOLE DAMN SONG. STEVELAND MORRIS DID THAT. 

Meant to Be x Melissa Polinar: I always say this is going to be my first dance song at my wedding. Melissa's voice sounds like true love feels--clear, warm, full & just damn good. Favorite lines: "new day comes/ as our life's just begun/ you're now mine..."

Contigo en la Distancia x Christina Aguilera: I had no idea what the hell Chrissy was singing on this jawn the first time I heard it, but I just thought it was such a pretty melody. So used to hearing her go for the power notes and growls, this song finds her singing notes that are sweet and delicate as they ride over a flamenco seasoned guitar. I had to travel over and see my good sis google translate to see what she was singing about tho and once I did I was like "OMGISSOBEAUTIFUL". Favorite lines: "el mundo parace distinto/ cuando no estas junto a mi/no hay bella melodia/ en que no surjas tu/ y no quiero escucharla/ si no la escuchas tu..." which essentially says shit don't feel right unless you're with me. and girl. LISSEN. 

I Can't Help It x Michael Joseph Jackson: This is my all-time favorite Michael song. I normally cannot choose a definitive favorite from any of those that I hold in as high regard as I do MJJ, but this song just makes me feel so good. It is nearly impossible for me to get through the first verse without my face splitting wide open with a toothy grin. Favorite lines: "Love came and possessed you/bringing sparkles to your eyes..."

What are some of y’all’s favorite love tunes? Lemme know in the comments!

xoxo,

Nicole