sample sundēē: the awakening

unedited. just a small peek. v smol. coming 08.18, allegedly.

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 Damn, DJ are you really sitting here longingly gazing at dude as he sleeps? And bitch, are you the big spoon right now? What in the world…?

If any of my friends had walked in on this scene right now, I was certain that those would have been close to if not exact of the words that came out of their mouths once their brains processed exactly what it was that their eyes were seeing. If this were a movie this would be the part where the motion paused and the voiceover came through like “yep, that’s me. You’re probably wondering how I ended up here.” I chuckled to myself at that thought, and the slight jostle of my body did nothing to disturb the rest of the other occupant of this oversized bed. I couldn’t help but grin at how despite having more than enough room for us to each have our own space with some left over in the middle, we ended up smack dab in the middle of this bed every night. Bodies wrapped around one another like gnarled vines, only the slight variance in our skin tones making the start and end of one body from another discernible.

If anyone would have told me that after all of this time that this was who would be it for me? I’d’ve fought them tooth and nail. No way possible that my life was meant to be spent with a person who was so much like he was.

But you know what they say right?

We plan. God laughs.

And baby I knew that the celestial bodies were up there having a ki at me and my life’s trajectory for sure. Growing up I’d always thought that by age twenty-five I’d be done with college, settled into my career, and on my way to wedded bliss with the guy next door who I’d been dating since we were in diapers. However, there was one major flaw with my fantasy. There was no guy next door, as a kid and teen I was painfully shy and barely spoke more than three words in succession at a time. It was a wonder that I’d managed to make a friend let alone find the love of my life.

But by the time I was halfway through high school, I had – made a friend, that is. We were yet working on that love of my life thing. Cherie was one of those people to whom folks just flocked, she had an inner light that shone brightly and for some reason, she chose me of all folks to be her lab partner in our chemistry class sophomore year at Lewis High. I asked her almost immediately why and she simply replied, “you looked like you could use a friend”. She wasn’t lying and from that day onward we were pretty much joined at the hip. Where you saw one you saw the other. And that’s all I was – seen until we went off to college and Cherie inspired me to spread my wings and fly.

“DJ, your mama didn’t name you after one of the baddest bitches on this planet for you to be so damned, mousy. Come on, baby! Live a little,” she said as she danced in front of the floor length mirror in our cramped dorm room on a Friday night.

She was trying to convince me to attend yet another frat party with her and I was trying to get out of it. I bristled as I rolled my eyes at her bringing up my namesake.

When I was younger, I went by my initials more often than not because my full name either got one of two reactions – “you must be from down South with a name like that?” or “wow, your mama was a Janet Jackson fan, huh?”

Imagine being a child of the early 90s – at the height of Janet Damita Jo Jackson’s career – being named Damita Jo Jackson and having to live up to that. I was just thankful that I had been born a girl, honestly. My mother was a Jacksons superfan – Tito was her number one and if I had been born male she was definitely going to name me Toriano. I shuddered to think of having to maneuver through life with that name and praised all of the deities for being born and identifying as female.

Yeah, I definitely did everything I could to avoid even having the comparisons to Janet made as I grew older though. I lacked that level of confidence…sheer magnetism that she possessed, no matter how hard I wished I’d owned it all. Cherie knew that more than anyone, but she also loved needling me until I acquiesced to her will. So, I eventually gave in went to the party. We did it big, I used the contacts that I rarely wore up until then, Cher did my makeup and hair, and I cosplayed confident, sexy co-ed in borrowed clothes. That night ended up being one that went down in history, actually. It was the birth of Damita Jo Jackson the Second.

My current incarnation.